Saturday, July 23, 2011


I think I'm a good friend.  I'm the kind of true blue, always got your back, good listener friend that most people like to have in their life.  Unfortunately for me, I'm also the kind of friend who gets bailed on, quietly takes slights (intended or unintended) to heart, and cries tears of hurt and frustration in the privacy of my own home...or car...or shower.  Wherever, you get the picture.  I know in my heart that I deserve better than this, that I too deserve true blue friends that have time for me in their lives.  And who want to actually spend some time together in person.

I don't think I'm generally a jealous person, but I don't much care for hearing or reading about the great times they have with their other friends, when I don't even rate an HOUR for coffee over the course of a few months.  I wouldn't want anyone to give up their time with other friends, but if they are my friend I should rate at least a smidgen of their time.  And expecting me to still be their true blue friend is unfair, and unrealistic.  In that vein, I am no longer willing to take the leftovers.  I deserve better than that.

As a part of my personal happiness project I blogged about before, I am not willing to "make do" and be there always.  I need to have friendships in which I feel equally as valued as I value the other person.  I don't feel valued when I never get to see them.  I don't feel very good about this decision, it goes against my entire way of being.  But I deserve friendships that are nurtured and in which I am cherished, not just a convenient listener when things aren't going well.  Try your good time friends.  I'm guessing that you'll find they are not the true blue friend that I am.  I'm thinking that perhaps you will wish you had nurtured our friendship and wanted to spend time with me.  If not, whatever.  At this point I'm not really caring.

So there!  I am going to focus on nurturing and cherishing friendships and taking them to a deeper level.  I deserve to have those kind of friendships.  Period.

I wish everyone the deep, nurturing friendships that they deserve.  You deserve it as much as I do.


cargillwitch said...

GOOD for YOU! we get to a certain point in our lives where quality trumps quantity. Better to have a few worthwhile, meaningful , nurturing friendships than a gaggle of meager ones that drain rather than recharge you.You won't regret the decision!

Nicole said...

Thanks! I'm still struggling with the decision, I know it's the right one, but that doesn't make it any easier. It feels awful when you come to the realization that you're not valued. I would much rather have a few friends that truly value me than as you say, a gaggle of meagre ones. I guess letting go is never easy.