Saturday, April 18, 2015

If you can't say something nice.....

My blog has remained silent for 3/4 of a year.  Mostly because I didn't know what to write.  At the end of February 2014, my mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a cancer of the bone marrow.  Mom fought and beat cancer 5 years before that, so a new cancer diagnosis was like a kick in the stomach.  Some things are too painful to write about, some things too private.  And as I alluded to i previous posts, some things are better left unsaid because although misery loves company, it's kinder to keep negative things to yourself.

Sadly, in early February of this year, my mom lost her hard fought battle.  It's hard and it causes anger and feelings that are just too difficult to express.  Cancer is horrific, and watching someone you love slowly lose the battle that she is fighting because she doesn't want to leave her family--not for herself, but for her family--is painful and not something to write about.'s been a long, painful, shitty year.  And because of all the stress, I've added adrenal fatigue to my cocktail of health misadventures.  I'm working on it, and will continue to work on it, but it's a long road.  There is no easy, quick fix.  The first thing is to get healthy.  Lots of rest, healthy foods, stress reduction and yoga.  Time being grateful for my family, and the year that we got with mom.  I want to wave a magic wand and be magically the picture of health, but that's not how it works.  First you put in the work, then you get the results.  Healing and dealing grief is the absolute first step, and nothing will change until that has been done.  Easy to say, hard to do.  But I'm working on it.

I am thrilled though that I had my annual melanoma check up and am healthy!  For that I am incredibly grateful.

The one thing I've been reminded of this year is that there is so much for which to be grateful.  Life is precious and short (and long), and difficult and wonderful all at the same time.

As I. Heal and have nice things to say, I will blog.  If I don't, I will maintain the golden rule--if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.