Monday, February 20, 2012

Dear Winter...

Piss off.  I am over you.  I want to run outside today, and it's too cold, and my lungs do not do well outside in the cold.  Although you have been a fairweather friend this year, it's time for you to head out.  Head to the southern hemisphere.  They can have you, I want to pass you on like an unwanted houseguest that has way overstayed his welcome.

Of course, I'll want you back so I can go skiing this week (and next, and the one after that), but for today I want you to leave and Spring to bring milder temperatures and sunshine.

It's not too much to ask, is it?

Your weary friend apathetic acquaintence.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Early morning phone call....

The call came this morning.  Unexpected, as I perused blogs and enjoyed my morning coffee.  My favourite kind of early morning phone call.  NO BUSES today!!!  This is so exciting for teachers who are used to many no bus days every year, and who have only had one this year.  Yes, we still go to work.  Yes, we still have a few students.  But it's a day filled with crafts and fun activities that we don't normally have the chance to enjoy with our students.  So yippee for snow days!!

I've been reading my favourite blogs this morning, and I decided I must have a wall painted with chalkboard paint.  I don't know where in my house, but I must have one.  You'd think I'd be sick of chalkboards by the end of the day, but there's something about them.  I am also desperately envious (yep, one of the 7 deadly sins) of my childhood friend, the Cargillwitch.  You see her husband brought home a new appaloosa horse the other day.  And they already have beautiful horses.  And I in my suburb house have none.  So I am envious.  She also has alot of farmfresh eggs she's trying to sell, but she lives too far away for me to pick up a couple dozen.  Horses and chickens.  My that woman is lucky!  And I haven't told her this yet, but I'd love to visit her farm and catch up with her in person.  And check out the horses and chickens up close.

Which brings me to another blog I read.  Coldantler Farm, written by Jenna Jackson (no relation, although we Jackson women stick together, blood relative or not).  She has a farm and blogs about her adventures.  She posted a wicked post about how she took a leap of faith and left her rental, bought a dog, horse, chickens, meat rabbits and sheep.  She is inspirational.  But she is also single, and doesn't have 3 kidlets to educate, or a husband that doesn't have any interest in her lifestyle.  I have to say, if I were 15 years younger and unencumbered I think I would love to make that leap of faith.  She doesn't pretend it's perfect, but she obviously loves her life.  My rabbits are pets, my hubs thinks I'm bizarre for wanting backyard chickens, and frankly any more on my plate would about send me over the edge.  I'm just balancing teetering most days anyway.

I should go and change into comfy snow day clothes and get ready to go have fun at school today.  But first I'm going to finish my coffee.

Have a wonderful snow  ice day friends!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day

I am a Valentine's Day failure.  I did not buy my valentine a card.  I could make excuses, but they would only be excuses.  I intended to buy one today after school, but by the time I went to my kid's basketball game and dropped off assorted teenagers the drug store was closed.  Crap.  What kind of a wife doesn't buy a card for her husband??

I'm feeling guilty, and like I need to make amends.  Especially since I woke up to a beautiful card this morning.  I know he will likely read my blog, since I link it to facebook.  So honey, Happy Valentine's Day.  I didn't buy you a card, but I do love you. 

Maybe this weekend I'll bake a special treat for you.  To make up for being a crappy valentine wife.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

roller-coaster week

It has been one roller-coaster of a week.  I won't go into detail, but it's been a wild ride.  And I'm exhausted from it!  All is well, I'm fine with everything that happened this week, but it's tiring :)

And I found this morning when I went online that Whitney Houston has passed away at the age of 48.  Which is YOUNG!  Too young.  Whitney makes me think of high school and neon outfits, bobbed hair, pointy shoes and long strings of fake pearls.  She was very popular when I spent 3 months in Quebec on an exchange program.  The memories make me smile, but her death is sobering.  Rest in peace Whitney, I hope you find the very peace that seemed to elude you while you were alive.

I've been doing some research on cortisol.  (yeah, no segueway, sorry)  And I've resolved to practice yoga more often solely (or soul-ly, lol) to help lower the cortisol coursing through my body.  Eliminating stress isn't going to happen (I can hardly quit my job, or get rid of my family), but I can develop more regular habits to help.  That and regular massage.  Which I do anyway.

Valentine`s Day is Tuesday!  A trumped up day, ridiculously commercialized, but fun nonetheless.  It`s a wonderful excuse to go to our favourite restaurant for dinner (last night, yummmmy!) and to celebrate all things pink and red.  I`m looking forward to making some treats for my students, and watching their excitement as they exchange their cards.  And it`s the only time of year for cinnamon heart candies.  Which is likely a good thing.  Nothing says Valentine`s Day like red cinnamon heart candies.  Clearly I hangout with kids alot, because most women likely think of red roses.

This post is as scattered as my thought processes this morning.  Adult ADD is alive a well!  This morning a run instead of going to church, maybe some Hatha yoga.  Not vinyasa, too vigorous for me after a run. 

Happy Sunday friends.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Part guilt, part relief

I finished my report cards.  I'm sure that is exciting news for everyone out in blog world.  It certainly is for my family!  I made it to yoga last night, and feel so much better for it.  We did ALOT of twists, my internal organs must be nice and wrung out.  Definitely a good thing!

Ok, so that's the relief part.  Here's the guilt part.  My township has in their infinite wisdom decided to bring a human waste refinement facility to our lovely rural town.  To turn Toronto's waste into something benign.  Bringing huge truckloads of untreated waste down our main street, right through town to the facility.  Which will sit in our "Eco Park", coincidentally located 350 metres behind our JK to Gr. 3 school.  And will potentially greatly lower my property value, as well as that of my neighbours and friends.  And all of this has been done in an underhanded secretive way by our elected officials.  I have heard rumours of collusion and possible bribery (I repeat--these are RUMOURS, I in no way know what has happened).  Township employees who publically oppose the facility have been fired (or so the story goes).  I am opposed to this.  Of course.  Here's where the guilt comes in.  I have not gone to the meetings, I have not picketed the offices of either the company or the township.  I have allowed others to dirty their hands, for my potential benefit.  And I feel guilty.  And I'm rationalizing it by telling myself that I can't take on anything else.  I am not finding time to workout, let alone spend hours and hours in meetings, etc.  I feel like I'm barely hanging on at work some days, it is busy.  And the next few months will be busier.  So now I feel  guilt.  'Cause who I am.  I don't know where the truth lies in the whole mess, but I do know that it has divided a town.  There are hard feelings.  It is an issue that I don't know if our little town will recover from.  Accusations are flying.  The word LIBEL springs to mind.  I don't want to be involved in that.  But I don't want this horrible facility either.  I have read some of what the company has put out there, and I don't care what their lagoons are lined with, there is a threat to our groundwater if there is a leak.

Guilt raises its dirty head.  How is it that women are always so laden with guilt?  Or are we?  Is it just me?  I don't think it is.  I hear my friends and colleagues saying they just aren't doing enough, yet when I look at their lives I don't know how they could possibly take on anything else.

There is a spring musical being produced at my school.  Another source of guilt.  I have made the decision to not be involved for the following reasons:  1.  It doesn't involve my students.  2.  I have enough on my plate now, and I need to worry about taking care of myself.  3.  I do not wish to work with the individual who has decided to do this project (sssshhhhhh, to all of my school peeps who might read this!).  4.  I used to teach at a school with a performing arts focus.  I left that school for a reason.  I am not getting into that sh** again.
Even though I feel that these are perfectly reasonable reasons for not getting involved, I feel guilt.  Hmmmmm.  That part about taking care of myself?!  Why should this induce guilt?

As I've mentioned before, I enjoy reading blogs of women who homestead, homeschool (no  friggin' thanks!), craft, have beautifully decorated  homes, and live these seemingly beautiful lives.  Which causes angst, if I'm honest (and I usually am!).  Lately, having a desire to do some of these things, I have taken a hard look at why I am not able, if history is any indication.  Most of these wonderful women work at home.  These are their jobs, and their blogs are their outlet into the world.  I, by choice, have career that takes me outside of the home, and there's no freakin' way anyone could possibly do it all.  I did many of these things years ago when I was at home with my children.  And it wasn't enough, I got out and jump started my lagging career (stalled, dying, the descriptors are endless!).  It was the best decision I could have made.  While I loved all of those things listed above, it is not my calling in life.  So I am working towards cutting myself some slack.  Their beautiful lives have some difficult parts, just like mine does.  They are fulfilled by what they do, and I am fulfilled by what I do.  They are not likely at home wishing there were more hours in the day so that they could live my life part-time.  It's just silly for me to want to live theirs.

And that my friends brings me back to relief.  It really is a full circle.  I do need to work in more exercise.  I might do a little crafting, a little decorating.  Or I might not get to it.  I will prioritize my desires and obligations.  And to be honest, at this point in my busy, busy life, perhaps raising my own chickens isn't near the top of the list.  But my kids, my husband, my career, those are.

How are your priorities lining up?  Are you crippled by unnecessary and unproductive guilt?  Or are you able to cut yourself a break?  Interestingly, I find that once your priorities are in order, you find more time to fit in the very things that cause you guilt.  Now to live that ideal.....

Have a wonderful Saturday friends.