find your passion

Passion week seems like the perfect time to speak of finding your personal passion.  It coincides with a week spent grieving the loss of an amazing coworker.  A life spent in education, a positive, joyful woman, her life cut tragically short by an automobile accident.  She and her husband both taken shortly before their retirement.  The time of life when the freedom to do all of the things for which you didn't have time.  Leaving behind family, friends and acquaintances reeling with the suddenness and shock of it.

My message is this--life is too short.  Don't count on doing "it" (whatever it is for you) later, when you retire, when the kids leave, when you can afford it, when you have more time.  If it is something you feel strongly about, do it now.  We don't have the luxury of knowing when our time on earth is up.  Find the joy, find the passion, do what you love.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Kiss your kids, your spouse.  Tell people that you love them and how much they mean to you.

I am guilty of waiting, not making the time now.  If my friend and coworker Joan and her death have taught me anything, it is that the time is NOW.  Not later.

In loving memory of Joan and Neil Coe.  You may be gone, but your spirit lives on.

Happiness is....

Happiness is a week of beautiful warm weather and sunshine.  A day spent wandering through Ikea, getting decorating ideas and picking up a few odds and ends.  Including new bookshelves for the bedroom (finally, enough storage for our favourite books!), and a new duvet cover.  At the mall (not a big fan of malls, but needed a few things) a new bright pink shirt for work, and a really nice dark denim jean jacket!  For the record, I still love my Hollywood Era, silver studded *vintage* 1986 jean jacket, but my children will not let me wear it publicly.  It's hanging in my closet and I wear it at every opporunity.  Usually to 80s themed parties.  And honestly, why wouldn't I wear a jacket from grade 11 that still fits me???  However, silver studs aside, the new jacket is going to look super for work, with a skirt or nice capris. 

Sidetracked....yesterday was a big dose of happiness.  And I guess because the new duvet cover doesn't have that special worn in spot yet, I woke up this morning with a warm, purring kitty snuggled up to my body.  Alistair Cookie the kitty usually sleeps beside my feet.  It was a nice treat having him curled up where I could reach him to pet him.  And purring no less.

I also picked up a couple of cheapy polar fleece throws for the livingroom and family room.  Same as my lime green ones, so I can put the brown wintery ones away.  I don't often change things up for the seasons, but a punch of red does my heart good!  And red towels for the downstairs powder room.  Red and lime green sounds like a bizarre combination (and I guess it is!), but it works so well with my chocolate brown leather furniture and oak hardwood.  I think I should find some red potted tulips or gerber daisies to put on the diningroom table too.

I`m planning to paint my antique desk (Aunt Go-go is likely rolling in her grave!), and trying to decide on a colour.  I saw an amazing bright yellow makeover piece on another blog (no idea which one now), but yellow wouldn`t look great with our Wilmington Tan walls.  Hubs doesn`t want red, lime green would be a bit much.  If you have any ideas, let me know.  I can`t envision it in my minds eye.

While at Ikea, hubs also convinced me about a new tv shelving unit deal he wants when he finally gets the big flatscreen television I`ve been putting off for years.  Same line as the  new shelves in our room, and alot cheaper than the built-ins I want.  But it will require some saving of $$ and I still haven`t totally capitulated on the tv issue.  Because basketball games will be awesome to watch is not the the incentive I need to give in on something that is a luxury item we don`t actually need.  We have a perfectly fine television that still works.  The other issue a new tv would entail is, what do we do with the perfectly fine wall unit we inherited from my grandmother?  No, it's not a style I would go out and buy, but it cost alot of money in the day, and works fine for the tv we have now.  I guess hang on to it until we finish our basement, or pass it on to Jess for her place. 

As I write, I'm filled with happiness again, coffee in a beautiful cup I got for Mother's Day years ago (yellow with a handpainted rooster, from Spain), Chase the wonderdog curled up on the couch next to me, Jasmine the fluffy orange *ancient* kitty watching me from the chair on the other side of me and the luxury of time.  Dropped Jackson off at work, Seamus and hubs still sleeping, Jess safe and sound at university.

Another source of happiness?  Jess got hired at Honda for the summer again, a great job making way more $$ than any other job in the area, and we're going to look at a house with her tomorrow for next year at school.  Extra bonus?  Honda means she is going to ride with her Dad, and I won't be without my car for the summer!  It means much more freedom for summer, and she will have enough $$ for school.  She is determined to do it on her own, and Honda means she likely can.

The birds are chirping outside, the spring peepers were singing last night--happiness.

Joy Dare

My apologies for the whinyness of yesterday's post.  But I guess no one had to read it if they didn't wish.  Anyhow...I think I've figured it out.  I totally set myself up with my ridiculous goals and deadlines.  My constant quest for perfection.  Who am I kidding?!  I will never perfect.  I need to live in the moment and quit wishing and worrying my life away.

As some of you may already know, I'm a Christian.  Albeit a not very good one, if I were to be lined up with other Christians and compared.  I'm thankful that on this Earth, in this lifetime, that's not going to happen.  At least not by anyone who has any real say ;)  This morning whilst reading some of the blogs I enjoy (and sometimes add to the discontent, but that's another tale for another day), I came across this:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/01/the-1-habit-your-new-year-cant-do-without-giveaway/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29
I don't always read this blog, because frankly, I don't feel like I measure up and why make myself feel worse?  But in the spirit of resolutions, good habits to cultivate and well if I'm honest, the mention of a giveaway, I read it today.  And I'm glad I did.  For those who don't want to check out the link, it's about keeping a gratitude journal and reaping the benefits of such an endeavour.  It happens to be a Christian blog, but by no means do you have to be a Christian to benefit from a gratitude journal. 

As those who know me also know, I'm open to the spiritual beliefs and practices of others, and would in no way exclude my Pagan, Jewish, Muslim, Mormon or atheist friends (or any other spiritual belief system I've omitted).  My Christian beliefs are solid, but I totally respect the beliefs of others.  And that's why I didn't go to church for many, many years.  I couldn't find one that was 1. open enough, 2. casual enough, 3. forgiving enough of my foibles.  I'm not very much into evangelizing.  If respectfully asked about my Christian beliefs, I will share, but I will not be drawn into debate.  Or criticize the beliefs of others.  Period.  In my opinion the condecension (I know that's misspelled, but can't for the life of me figure it out and am way to lazy to find the correct spelling this morning, sorry) and tunnel vision of any faith is what turns others away, not to mention the smugness and self-satisfied smirks of those who feel their work is done and because of their faith they are safe and everyone else is doomed.

Okay, that was a MAJOR digression, my apologies....

I have decided to take the challenge.  1000 gratitudes for the year.  Honestly it would be amazing to win the camera, but even more amazing to finally shake the discontent for good.  It has become clear to me that it's not going to happen on my own, and it's time to do something about it.  It's overdue.  I need help to see all of the wonderful things that I have for which to be grateful, and a journal that I can look back upon may just be the solution.  I haven't decided--handwritten journal, or a shiny new blog for a more public sharing.  Or both?!  Both have their attractions. 

On another shaking the discontent note, I realize that my creative side has been sorely neglected, and that is likely another area that I need to work on for true happiness.  Like everything else in my life, I have tried to tackle this mountain by reading all about it, researching, sythesizing, evaluating and not spending enough time  doing.  I need to create.  It's a part of who I am.  I can't knit much (remember the tragedy of the knitting injury to my shoulder?), although I like the product of sewing I'm not sure I have the patience, I love photography but am horrible at it, I'm thinking of painting (furniture not canvases).  When my kids were but mere chicklets, I spent many a happy hour painting and decorating.  Nothing can't be fixed with some good primer and a coat of paint in a happy colour.  So I'm going to work on a few projects.  At least that's the plan.  And I may just start with a diningroom table that needs to be spruced up.  Rick will likely be shuddering if he reads this.  And I might do a little knitting.  And possibly some sewing.  We'll see.  Most importantly, I need to keep this need of mine in focus and not forget about it in my quest to always be climbing to better things.

Another need--to spend time with good friends.  In that vein I'm meeting my friend Carolyn for lunch.  We haven't seen each other in a couple of years, and it's long overdue.  I can't wait.  So I better get my butt in gear and go shower and leave the computer behind for the time being.

Who will join me in a year of 1000 gratitudes?  I'd love to share and enjoy each other's journals.  I'd love to share the joy that is your life.  1000 gratitudes from a diverse community of beliefs and lives?  That sounds like something for which to be truly grateful.

Finished!

I submitted the final assignment for my course last night!  I received the feedback this morning and I am officially finished.  And I tell you, I feel like my load has been greatly lightened.  I am indulging in the decadent-blogging during my prep time and NOT marking any of the huge pile sitting on my desk, awaiting my seal of approval.  Do I feel guilty for wasting time?  Not one little teeny bit.  I feel as though I have suddenly found hours of time to accomplish stuff in.  Because I have!  I am taking a break from courses, so no more hours in front of the computer, working away.  I will likely soon be complaining about not knowing what to do with myself, but for now I am happy!

I am feeling like Christmas is coming.  We will begin the crafting any day now at school.  I only have to figure out exactly what we're going to do.  I have to do some reading of my Christmas-y craft books and take an inventory of stuff I already have.  So many ideas, now to narrow it down to what 9 and 10 year olds can actually do fairly independently.  So we shall see....

Great run on Saturday, a nice easy 5k, no pains, no coughing.  Only 3k last night, but feeling a bit sore and with a stuffy nose.  Looking to knock off 5k again tomorrow and then on the weekend work on increasing distance again.  And yoga.  I will have time to do yoga, and not feel like there's something else I should be doing.  Sweet!

Looking forward to setting new intentions and goals for the new year.  Nothing concrete yet, but a few races will be involved, along with some new yoga intentions.  I intend to spend some of my newfound free time clearing away a part of the basement and actually setting up a workout/yoga corner. 

Hoping everyone is enjoying this fantastic Tuesday!  Oh the headiness of freedom, sweet freedom.

The basement chronicles

I spent literally hours in the basement cleaning and sorting yesterday.  And I'm not nearly done.  I unpacked several boxes from when we moved into this house 4 years ago.  Funny how I never procrastinate with tasks that involve only brainpower, but this....well, now I have more stuff to decide what to do with.  I made a big pile for the dump.  And feel ill with guilt.  Junk for the landfill?  But it is irreparable.  And much of it is junk I inherited from my grandmothers' homes after their passings--because I couldn't let it go to the dump.  And I have serious hoarding tendencies.  I did find Jessie's birth certificate that's been missing for 4 years.  But it's been replaced.  So I saved it to prove to her that I didn't really lose it, just packed it.

There is a lot of stuff that will go to the Salvation Army Thrift store as well, and lots of stuff for recycling.  I'm trying to get past that pile that's headed for landfill.  I have boxes and boxes books.  None of the thrift stores will take books, the second-hand stores don't want them, I guess they'll go into recycling.  Which seems wrong.  But what else can I do with them?  If anyone knows of a place that will take books, please let me know.  I've held onto these for 20 years (or more) collectively, because I didn't know what else to do with them.  But I need to get them out of my house, or when I'm 60 I will end up living in a house piled floor to ceiling with stuff, and will have to crawl over it to get to the kitchen and bathroom and will end up having social services come and declare me unfit for independent living.  And then when the clean-up crew comes to empty the house, they will find Rick buried and decaying under piles of stuff.  And I won't be able to tell them the last time I saw him because I will have been so worried about caring for my 20 cats and 15 dogs. 

A dramatic little scenario, but I'm sure this is where it starts.  So if you know who can help me out with the books, I think my husband will thank you.  And I'm making him give the huge box of my dad's books back.  I don't need it in my basement.  They can recycle them.

I still have lots of stuff to sort.  I have so many board games that my kids will never play again.  Those will go to school.  I have boxes of teaching resources to sort and purge.  If I haven't looked at it or used in the last 5 years, it's going.  I will never use it again.

Guilt aside, purging "stuff" is very freeing.  It feels like a weight has been lifted.  It's my goal to create a gym area in the basement, a decent place to lift weights.  The treadmill is down there, and now that's it's cleaner, I won't raise my blood pressure when I'm running on it and will want to use it more.  I'd like to get some of the cushiony square tiles for that area.  I don't know that I will ever have a yoga area down there, it's not that peaceful feeling as it is, but a spot for other exercising would be great.

So while I didn't get to yoga yesterday, I did get a kind of yoga feeling.  Less stuff creates peace.  And today I'm going to make Rick help me finish, so that it's truly peaceful feeling.  Once it's finished he'll have peace too--because I won't be nagging him anymore :)

Have wonderful Sunday.  It looks like a nicer day today than yesterday, hopefully nice enough for a long run.

I survived

Well friends, I survived the first week of school.  I am also dog-tired and my lower back is not feeling great.  The tile on cement floors at school are brutal until you get used to them again.  And since I started off the week with a few middle-aged twinges resulting from Monday's race, I'm really feeling it.  Sore hip flexor/groin from the race too (that uneven field section?!  likely), so no running this week.  Not that I had the energy.  That would have detracted from my mouth hanging open, feet up time.  Not nearly as much yoga as I wanted either.  Please see aforementioned reasons.  This weekend, and next week bring new opportunities.  And the second week is always easier than the first.  Everyone's back into routines, things start to settle down.

Both my boys seem happy with their first week too.  Jackson is already on the volleyball team at the high school, and Shim is working on charming the ladies.  Not just at his school either.  He's working on the crop of grade 8 honeys at MacPhail too.  It's going to be an interesting ride through adolescence with that one!

On the diet front, nutrition has been great this week!  I am following my new plan, eliminating carbs except for slow carbs (legumes, like beans and lentils).  And it's actually fairly easy.  I did have a small meltdown one evening when I came home and Shimmy was baking chocolate chip cookies.  That boy can bake!  And those are one of my favourites.  But I got right back on track the next day, and only had a bun at supper at Subway.  Other than that--easy peasy.  And I have to admit, I'm feeling much better for it already!

On Thursday we took Jess to move into her room for university.  Which is why I ended up eating at Subway.   And I have to tell you, that was one yummy sub.  I also have to admit that I was hungry enough to eat my own young at the time.  But they were saved by Subway :)  And the move in went quite smoothly.  Jess was super anxious, but managed to settle down.  We hung around until it was time for  her to catch the shuttle from her hotel to another for a huge rez meeting.  I cringe to think how much it`s costing Lakehead to house the rez students, since rez isn`t ready.  As my sister, whose hubs is involved in the construction industry said, somebody is getting sued.  Big time.  Anyhow, Jess is settled at the Best Western, and according to her texts and phone call, having a really good time.  She`s met a couple of girls from our area (carpool!) and is thinking leaving home is a good thing.  Which is a relief.  Her boyfriend came with us the other night, and while they are going to miss each other, I think the time apart is a good thing.  Great guy.  Really great.  Very helpful helping us move her stuff, and helping to keep her calm.  And a really good sport to ride home and make conversation with her dad and I.  Not just any boyfriend could do that!

The first week of school went well.  So nice to hear from a few parents that both they and their kids are glad to have me as a teacher again.  Really nice note from one parent, and her son brought me a squash from their garden.  We had a chuckle at that when I ran into her in the parking lot after school.  Some kids bring flowers, but not this guy.  He informed his mom that Mrs. Bolyea loves squash.  So he brought me a squash.  Did I mention that I love this kid?!  I taught him in grade 2 and I'm thrilled to have him again.  Along with the rest of the little guys I had when they were in grade 2.  I'm a lucky teacher.  Those ones, plus a few others I didn't teach equals a great group of kids.  It's going to be a great year!!

As I sit in my family room writing this, and surveying my kitchen/family room area, I am reflecting on my decision to declutter in my pursuit of happiness.  I didn't do so well.  It looks very lived in.  And cluttered.  But you know what, I'm ok with that.  It is what it is.  Not a whole lot of pretence Chez Bolyea.  We are authentic.  And that's worth striving for.

One last note.  At our school, every Friday we have an assembly for YARFY.  Which stands for You Are Responsible For Yourself.  And guess who got the very first yarfy of the year?!  That's right, Mrs. Bolyea.  The boss totally embarrassed me in front of the whole school, giving me a yarfy for picking up garbage in the hall.  And then insisted I needed to have my picture taken just like the kids.  So I of course really hammed it up, and posed for a picture (looking like a complete dementoid in the process).  It was fun, the kids and the staff had a good chuckle.  It's good to start the year off on that note.  And I will be immortalized on the yarfy bulletin board, looking like a lunatic, totally unphotogenic and beet red from the intense blushing.  But as one of my colleagues said, I made the boss laugh.  In front of the kids.  A difficult feat to achieve.  I love my job.   

How was your first week of school? 

IT band woes

Rick has developed some acute IT band troubles.  The IT band is a thick band of fascia that runs along the outside of the thigh, right from the hip to the knee.  And it is often the reason runners have trouble with the hips or the knees.  He is having alot of knee pain.  I feel so bad for him.  He had a great run yesterday, quite a good pace, but has been hobbling ever since.  He even iced his knee in the car on the way to Blue Rodeo yesterday (which by the way was awesome, more later).  There were 2 chiropractors who did a talk after our run clinic yesterday, and they had some injury tips.  But I think the biggest thing is he needs to go for some treatment to help it heal, and so it doesn't really screw up his knee.  He has been pushing through the pain for a couple of weeks, and now he's paying for it.   I have been saying for awhile that he should do some hip opening yoga, and poses/stretches that work the IT band.  I hope he rests it, and works on those stretches.  I also want to call Village Chiro in Orangeville and get them to help him with it.  It's a bummer with only a couple of weeks until the race, but even if he rests if for a couple of weeks, he should still be able to do the race.  I hope.  Fingers crossed.

I had a great run yesterday, a little stiff this morning.  I didn't stretch quite enough, and I ran faster than I've ever done a 5.5k.  Which is still not fast, but I'm getting there.  Norm (run leader) told me I definitely won't finish last  in the race.  And that's all that I care about.  Humiliation can be a powerful motivator!  The race course doesn't have as many hills as we did yesterday, so I should be able to run it faster.  I hope.  But more important to me to finish the race, run well and not injure myself. 

Last night we went to see Blue Rodeo, who are FANTASTIC live!  I so enjoyed it.  I would definitely fork out the bucks to sit closer to the stage next time, even though our seats were ok, I would like to have been closer.  And Rick wants to see them again.  A smaller venue would be great.  The opening band was Steve Earle and the Dukes and Duchesses.  His sound sucked.  I couldn't understand a word he sang or said.  And I was really distracted but the twits walking around, talking, and generally being rude.  But his guitarist Chris Masterson was amazing!  I checked him out with Google and he has an indie album he released a few years ago, I might have to track it down.  He was the best part of the opening act, hands down.  So  Blue Rodeo and Chris Masterson?  Worth the price of admission. 

I was amazed during the concert at the dimwits who got up, walked in front the entire row of people multiple times to go for a smoke, or go get beer.  There were a couple of young guys in front of us who people must have wanted to slap (besides cranky pants me).  I'm not sure why they were there, it wasn't for the band.  And it's a very expensive place to go if you just want to drink beer.  And the lady who kept standing up dancing and blocking everyone's view?  Lady, you are a horrible dancer.  Maybe I'm super conscious of obstructing the view of those behind us.  If us tall drinks of water stand up, no one behind us is going to be able to see.  And they paid just as much as I did to see the show.  Not surprisingly, the lady dancing in front of others?!  Multiple trips to buy beer.  At least security told her to sit her butt down.  And really, if you want to dance, just move over to the aisle where you`re not interfering with the enjoyment of others.  Same to the very young couple slow dancing and making out in the middle of the row.  I did enjoy watching the security lady looking like she'd like to whack them up the side of the head with a big stick.  That was priceless!

I know, I know, I have turned into a middle aged old bag.  But I was pretty much the of the same opinions when I was young too.  Just younger.  Not very yoga of me.  Ahimsa--do no harm.  I didn't actually harm anyone, just thought about slapping them.  Guess it`s kind of the same thing?

Nice quiet, easy day today.  No running, Rick needs to keep his knee up.  I might take Chase the wonderdog for a long walk, maybe look for some more monarch caterpillars.  Of course, protecting them from my cat, Allistair Cookie is a challenge.  Maybe some easy yoga--craving some sun salutations and downward facing dogs.  And of course, in keeping with my pursuit of happiness, some tidying.  This place is a mess!

Happy Sunday my friends.

Namaste 

The Happiness Project ponderings

As promised, no more morbid, whiny posts.  I'm over it.  And myself, incidentally.

 

I've continued reading The Happiness Project.  And I like it.  As painful as some of it may be to put into practice.  My favourite resolution?  Be Gretchen (the author's name).  I've decided to adopt that one for myself.  Be Nicole.  While I don't really think I'm not good at being myself, I know I need to stop apologizing for being who I am.  I am slightly neurotic (maybe alot?).  I overthink and overanalyze everything.  I am a lover of nature (in educational terms, I'm a Naturalist learner) and our wonderful Earth, but I guess anyone who knows about the zoo that I keep at my house already figured that out.  For those who don't know--1dog, 2 cats, 3 rats, 2 rabbits, and a deep seated desire to have another dog, chickens, alpacas and a horse (or 5).  You can see why my darling hubs, non-animal person that he is, does not want to move to the country.  And accuses me of being a babystep away from being an animal hoarder.  But I digress....  I am creative.  I love children.  I am a teacher, and I am bossy.  I am a perfectionist, but I don't expect others to be perfect.  And I love learning.  Taking a university course is what I love to do in my spare time.  And I am a voracious reader.  Of anything and everything, but I really love Marian Keyes novels, and magazines.  Magazines are my favourite.  But they are expensive, and I have discovered reading blogs tickles my fancy just about as much as magazines.  And blogs are free reading.  I love to exercise, and yoga is my favourite.  Something about getting into asana is so freeing.  Even when I''m practising a bind.

I'm working on clearing the clutter that I blogged about before.  Both literally and figuratively.  I'm looking at my kitchen and family room right now, and it occurs to me that I have a ways to go.  But I'm working on it!  The one thing that I could say about The Happiness Project book, is that it has given me fresh new ideas, and things to consider about happiness.  Clutter-clearing is just one of them.

If anyone is feeling a little dissatisfied with their life, I suggest giving it a read.  You might be surprised at what you discover.  Or maybe not.  I know I have been.  

See, no more whining.  I am in a much better place today.  And I think part of it might just be because I spent some quality time with 2 of my nephews last night.  Something about hanging out with 4 & 1/2 year old and almost 1 year old boys gives new outlook on things.  They are darling.  Did you know that the cheetah is the fastest animal on the African savannah?  Just one little tidbit of knowledge imparted to me by my nephew.  And it's a fact well worth knowing.

Wishing everyone happiness, however you find it.  Because happiness and good health go hand in hand.