Sleepless

Last night was a frustrating, sleepless night.  I lay awake for hours contemplating life in general, my role in the great scheme of things, the upcoming school year (and the challenges it will bring), and listened to far off thunder--wishing, hoping it would come closer and we would get rain.  It rained for about 10 minutes yesterday afternoon, and about 1 minute during the night.  We so desperately need rain, it isn't even funny.  I found myself hoping and praying for my farmer friends that they all have crop insurance--one friend has already lost their corn crop.  Many more are going to if we don't get rain soon.  And not only corn, all of the crops are suffering.

Our grass is burned off and crisp, crunching underfoot.  So crunchy hurts to walk on in bare feet.  And it's been that way for weeks already.  I have a couple neighbours with gloriously green grass, but the hippy in me won't allow water to be wasted on something as superficial as green grass.  The water table is already low from a winter without much snow, water is too precious to waste.  And so I lay awake at night praying for rain.

See what keeps me up at night?  Between rainless night and distant thunder, reassuring the dog that she was in fact ok, no storm here, and pondering my place in the universe, it was a busy night!  The result is a tired woman who will likely descend into grumpiness before the day is over.  *sigh*

It also occurs to me that my feeling out of sorts may be because of the chelation therapy I'm doing.  One of the side effects is irritableness and changes in sleep patterns.  Something to keep an eye on.  Chelation just means I'm taking big doses of DMSA, which binds to heavy metals in my body (mercury and lead), which my body can then eliminate because they are bonded to the DMSA.  It's supposed to be helping my body heal from this stupid autoimmune disease.  If it works I will be overjoyed!  Of course it also can strip the body of other minerals and stuff, so on my off days I'm taking enough mineral supplements to replete an elephant.  DMSA smells horrible.  Good times, let me tell you.

Hubs is back to work this week, so I am left to my own devices.  Maybe I'll actually clean my house.  I started scrubbing down the kitchen the other day, but got sidetracked by the prospect of going for a walk instead.  All of these things distract me from getting any practical work done.  I'm going to have to clean soon, I think I'll lose my mind living in the mess if I don't.  **note** although it bothers me, it's not exactly like a case of Hoarders, if that's what you're thinking.  We haven't reached that state of affairs yet...emphasis on yet :)  All of our rodents are in their appropriate cages.

Speaking of walking....I think I'll take the dog for a walk.  Before it gets too hot.  And since the robin is singing of rain, the trees are blowing rain, and outside has that quiet before the rain feeling, I should do it soon.  I would hate to think my sleepness night was all for nought.

Getting by...

Well, hello.  It's been a while, I know.  Life has been a whirlwind of busy-ness lately, all of the craziness that the approaching end of the school year brings to a teacher's life.  Trying to teach those last few piles of stuff that haven't been taught, assess children who would rather be outside playing because it's so beautiful--and let's face it, I'd rather be outside playing too!

Amidst the busy-ness, I'm almost finished my last Special Education course.  Yeehaw!  I will be a Spec Ed Specialist in a couple of weeks.  A nice feeling to be sure.  I am taking a course in the summer, but more on that once school is over.

My nemesis Hashimoto has been working very hard to be debilitating, but I will not give in.  I get out of bed every morning, put on my best face, and plod on.  I will not be beaten by this little old autoimmune disease.  Not happening.

I am seeing a chiropractor/kinesiologist/sports specialist today so I can find out exactly what's up with this darned injury, and hopefully get some help.  Because I need to exercise.  And that's not happening.  And my "friend" Hashi needs me to exercise, or I'm going to weigh 400 pounds.  That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but really.  At least when I'm able to run my arse off, I don't gain weight.  And I feel better.  A real kick in the butt for Hashi.  But as I said above, I will not be beaten by this.  Slightly trampled and worn maybe.  But not beaten.

I am saddened that my family is concerned by my lack of energy for anything outside of work and getting by.  I have planted 2 pots of flowers.  That's it.  And it's possible that's all there will be.  I just don't have the steam.  But my wonderful daughter weeded my flowerbed in the back and offered to help me plant more flowers and pots.  Very sweet surprise to come home to one day this week, especially since her summer job is building cars, very physical and she's exhausted at the end of the day.

I had wanted to plant some veggies, and some more beds, and a butterfly garden.  Maybe a couple of tomato plants, a zuchinni and peppers.  That will be enough.

And I have some very exciting news that I can't share for another week or so.  Actually a couple of things.  I can't wait.

**update after appointment**

Um, so it's not a hip injury at all, it's actually a back injury in which the pain is not in my back, but showing up further along the nerve, and ending up in my hip/inside of my leg area.  Created by a disc pinching the nerves.  Accupuncture, exercises and an adjustment were the order of the day.  Along with strict instructions of how to sit, sleep, and move.  And absolutely, emphatically NO running, NO yoga, NO walking long distances and NO sitting for extended periods of time.  Prognosis guarded, future of running and yoga in question.  I almost cried when he said that yoga is not the right thing for me, that it risks the integrity of my back too much.  I can swim for exercise.  That's about it.  Well, that and I can try recumbent bike, but I have to be very careful. 

A lecture about listening to my back and seeking help right away and not after an extended period of time, as well as repeated comments about my "high threshold for pain."  Which I think is code for "no sense, no feeling" perhaps.  I'm supposed to email or text him if I have any sharp pains, and he kind of intimated that given that I just keep going through pain, I could be really injuring myself.

So there you have it.  I am getting old, and my body although apparently fairly immune to pain, is falling apart at the seams.  Good times let me tell you, good times.  Oh yeah, did I mention I'm supposed to stand at the counter for computer work?  Yep, and during an online course, and report cards.  I'm going to go have an ibuprofen and a Mike's Hard lemonade.  And then lay down and ponder my good news that I'll be sharing next week.

I think I really hurt it this time

Last week was a week of craziness.  And it involved too much sitting--at a conference, in the van on the way to Ottawa, in the stands in the gym for basketball, in the van for the drive home from Ottawa.  And it has all made my iliopsoas really, really hurt.  I couldn't even walk a week ago.  I still went to school and hobbled around, and it's still not better.  It's a bit better, but I still am limping (and now have a sore back because of it).  I think I really hurt it this time.  It's always gotten better after a few days of babying.  *gulp* A friend suggested I might have torn something and need medical intervention to fix it.  Crap.  On my to do list this week is to actually make an appointment with a chiropractor that specializes in sports injuries (what started this whole deal was overdoing it at yoga in October, coupled with running), and if that means time off work, then that's what I will do.  Because this nonsense has to stop.  I need to exercise!  No exercise, and an autoimmune disease that makes me gain weight makes Nicole a fat chick.  Not cool.

In other news, work is insanely stressful.  The end of the year is looming, I have a ton of stuff we haven't learned yet, and I feel like I do nothing but manage behaviour.  Don't get me wrong, I love my job.  I love kids.  But I am ready for a break.  This long weekend didn't come a moment too soon.  My class is now up to 22 boys and 5 girls.  It wears me out.  And I have report cards to write, and I'm taking a course.  That was self-inflicted, report cards are not.  Why I ask myself, why?  Because as my good friend at school says, I'm crazy.  Obviously.

As I wrote the other day, my dietary change has not improved the whole Hashimoto's situation.  Which is causing me more stress.  Arrrggghhh.  But it will get better.  It has to.  And since gluten-free wasn't working, I ate some gluten yesterday.  I won't be repeating that.  While it hasn't improved my autoimmune issues, apparently it does impact my system.  Not in a positive way.

Anyway, this is a long weekend and the sun is shining, it's supposed to be hot, gardening is on the agenda, life is good.

Enjoy!

gluten...again & some other stuff

Found another great blog about autoimmune, Hashimoto's and gluten.  This post in particular was great!
http://www.sarahwilson.com.au/2012/02/gluten-questions-answered/#more-1401

And another
http://www.sarahwilson.com.au/2011/10/healing-autoimmune-disease-8-a-podcast/

I am starting to feel better, the dietary changes and IVs are kicking in....for now anyway!  Next step is to add exercise back in--particularly yoga and some running.  I miss them, and since I'm feeling a bit better I'm going to give it a try.

And really the best part of it all is that being gluten-free has not been that difficult.  Realizing it's essential for better health helps for sure.  Not sure why, but I don't really even miss it.  Which is a good thing.  And for whatever reason, it's made it easier to stay dairy-free too.  Go figure.

You know that little thing over to the right that says "Stress is related to 99% of all illness"?  Turns out it's true.  I swiped it from Lululemon btw if you didn't realize.  One thing that Lulu has right.  Manage the stress, manage the illness.  I'm trying to keep that in mind.

Having said that, yesterday was a hugely stressful day.  I had a very important and meaningful meeting yesterday afternoon.  I'll spill the beans about it when I find out the results.  Suffice it to say that I'm glad it's over, I think it will have really positive results, and I'd like all of my friends to keep their fingers crossed for me.

Enjoy this Good Friday, friends.  A day that causes me introspection and quiet meditation.  A day that fills me with a mixture of sadness and incredible hope.  This extremely important day to Christians.  I am grateful for this day.

Being Irish not only means St. Paddy's day....

I went for my IV last night.  Except after an hour of drinking water, heating bags and 6 needle pokes, no IV.  3 people could not find a single useable vein.  Which begs the question of how on earth I'm going to manage this @#$@$$%^** autoimmune disease if I can't get the IV?!

I've been told before that my fair, fair skin hair and eyes go along with having teeny tiny deep veins.  Blood draws and IVs have always been *problematic*.  By that I mean a complete pain in the arse.

Through conversation yesterday with the lovely NDs (who were VERY stressed out by my veins) I found out something else.  Those of Irish descent, especially women with my fair complexion have extremely high incidences of autoimmune disease, and gluten-sensitivities.  The rate of celiac is much higher than in the population of those of other descent.  And so is Hashimoto's.  Hashimoto's thyroiditis rates are very high in Irish colleens with reddish hair and peaches and cream skin. So not only did I inherit St. Paddy's day, a wicked temper and a love for Harp beer and Celtic music, I inherited this tendency toward autoimmune issues.  Which frankly today feel like autoimmune disasters.

My ultra dry skin was mentioned several times, and I was queried as to how much water I drink.  I drink enough water to waterlog a human of much larger proportions than I.  It was suggested that I eliminate coffee, black tea and green tea from my diet.  I admit, I cried in the car on the way home.  It wasn't pretty.  And my hubs listened to me rant and cry and snuffle (bluetooth is a blessing and a curse!) about how I can't ever have my favourite cookies again, pizza and Harp or Starbucks.  He pointed out that 1. I drink Harp maybe 3 times a year, 2. I rarely eat cookies because I'm always trying to lose weight, 3. And eliminating caffeine was something I knew I should do anyway.  I ended the conversation.  How dare he point out the obvious when I was in full-on pity party mode!  :)

So there you have it.  I am tapering coffee (because it would be unfair to those around me to experience the withdrawal with me), and wondering what it would be like to be of say...Egyptian descent.  Well, not really, I generally like my fair complexion and realistically, every ethnicity has some inherited health issue, right?  I'm working on getting over the pity party, and moving on.  Gluten, dairy and soon caffeine free.