August

I have a love/hate relationship with August.  August makes me melancholy.  It makes me think about all of the things I haven't accomplished in July--I always have huge plans, and don't achieve many of them.  It makes me realize that it's almost school time again.  While I love my job, the insane pace that life takes on once school starts, not so much.  I love August weather, hate that it signals the waning summer.  Days are getting conspiculously shorter.  Makes me a bit panicky, I have to say.  I love the bounty of the farmer's market, hate that it also means Thanksgiving will be here before we know it.

Maybe part of my problem with this August is that I was taking a very intensive course for the first 2 weeks of July.  My personal life has had more than its share of bumps along the way recently.  Happily we are getting through them, things are better than ever, but it hasn't been especially easy.  And hasn't made this summer especially wonderful--and now August in all her freaking glory is here already.  *sigh*  See, melancholy.

But--good things are on the horizon.  Hubs and I are going away for a couple of days, just the 2 of us!  I'm excited.  Although I really miss having little guys, this is one benefit.  Big kids (ok, the girl is an adult...) can fend for themselves, keep the menagerie alive in my absence and my house will be standing at the end of it all.  Blackberries are a wonderful thing--I can check in with them whenever I need to be sure all is well.  We've decided to go to Tobermory, one of our favourite places on earth.  Have I mentioned I can't wait?!

We've also booked a yurt for the hubs birthday weekend in September.  I love camping, but neither one of us can sleep on the ground in a tent anymore (middle aged backs are not fans of that!).  So we've planned another weekend sans enfants, camping in a yurt.  A yurt is kind of like a cabin, only circular shaped.  It comes with beds and all the stuff you need for camping.  Another bonus.  Fall camping is the absolute best kind of camping.  Again--can't wait!  And the girl has agreed to come home from university to help make sure her brothers survive (and don't have a high school party and trash my house).

I've just realized that in addition to my angst about my new job (exciting and terrifying!), my girl will soon be heading back to university.  Which she loves.  So much that she doesn't come home very often and I really miss her when she's gone.  She's living in a house this year, and has to cook for herself.  Maybe I'll see her more often so she can come home to be fed up :) 

Another reason for feeling some melancholy this year--my geriatric kitty has started peeing in inappropriate places.  Like my bed.  With me in it.  I think she's maybe lost her marbles.  And it pangs me to think that we are maybe going to have to make a very difficult decision.  But I need to be a realist.  I can't afford to replace all the things that get ruined when covered in cat urine.  Like my purple haze purse (periwinkle nubuck leather Roots....).  My mattress.  The carpet.  She's been to the vet, there's nothing physically wrong.  There are enough litter boxes placed strategically around the house for 10 cats.  I repeat--I think she's lost her marbles.

August is not a good month around here for grief.  It seems to be the emotion of the month.  In response, I am determined to not wallow in self-pity (I know, doesn't sound like it, does it?).  But I will make the best of a difficult month.  I will be excited about school.  I will be excited about cooler days ahead.  I will enjoy these last few weeks of beach weather.  I promise.

The worst thing about August--I just get into the swing of summer living and it's time to get thinking about fall. 

What do you do to get ready for fall?

Joy Dare

My apologies for the whinyness of yesterday's post.  But I guess no one had to read it if they didn't wish.  Anyhow...I think I've figured it out.  I totally set myself up with my ridiculous goals and deadlines.  My constant quest for perfection.  Who am I kidding?!  I will never perfect.  I need to live in the moment and quit wishing and worrying my life away.

As some of you may already know, I'm a Christian.  Albeit a not very good one, if I were to be lined up with other Christians and compared.  I'm thankful that on this Earth, in this lifetime, that's not going to happen.  At least not by anyone who has any real say ;)  This morning whilst reading some of the blogs I enjoy (and sometimes add to the discontent, but that's another tale for another day), I came across this:  http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/01/the-1-habit-your-new-year-cant-do-without-giveaway/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29
I don't always read this blog, because frankly, I don't feel like I measure up and why make myself feel worse?  But in the spirit of resolutions, good habits to cultivate and well if I'm honest, the mention of a giveaway, I read it today.  And I'm glad I did.  For those who don't want to check out the link, it's about keeping a gratitude journal and reaping the benefits of such an endeavour.  It happens to be a Christian blog, but by no means do you have to be a Christian to benefit from a gratitude journal. 

As those who know me also know, I'm open to the spiritual beliefs and practices of others, and would in no way exclude my Pagan, Jewish, Muslim, Mormon or atheist friends (or any other spiritual belief system I've omitted).  My Christian beliefs are solid, but I totally respect the beliefs of others.  And that's why I didn't go to church for many, many years.  I couldn't find one that was 1. open enough, 2. casual enough, 3. forgiving enough of my foibles.  I'm not very much into evangelizing.  If respectfully asked about my Christian beliefs, I will share, but I will not be drawn into debate.  Or criticize the beliefs of others.  Period.  In my opinion the condecension (I know that's misspelled, but can't for the life of me figure it out and am way to lazy to find the correct spelling this morning, sorry) and tunnel vision of any faith is what turns others away, not to mention the smugness and self-satisfied smirks of those who feel their work is done and because of their faith they are safe and everyone else is doomed.

Okay, that was a MAJOR digression, my apologies....

I have decided to take the challenge.  1000 gratitudes for the year.  Honestly it would be amazing to win the camera, but even more amazing to finally shake the discontent for good.  It has become clear to me that it's not going to happen on my own, and it's time to do something about it.  It's overdue.  I need help to see all of the wonderful things that I have for which to be grateful, and a journal that I can look back upon may just be the solution.  I haven't decided--handwritten journal, or a shiny new blog for a more public sharing.  Or both?!  Both have their attractions. 

On another shaking the discontent note, I realize that my creative side has been sorely neglected, and that is likely another area that I need to work on for true happiness.  Like everything else in my life, I have tried to tackle this mountain by reading all about it, researching, sythesizing, evaluating and not spending enough time  doing.  I need to create.  It's a part of who I am.  I can't knit much (remember the tragedy of the knitting injury to my shoulder?), although I like the product of sewing I'm not sure I have the patience, I love photography but am horrible at it, I'm thinking of painting (furniture not canvases).  When my kids were but mere chicklets, I spent many a happy hour painting and decorating.  Nothing can't be fixed with some good primer and a coat of paint in a happy colour.  So I'm going to work on a few projects.  At least that's the plan.  And I may just start with a diningroom table that needs to be spruced up.  Rick will likely be shuddering if he reads this.  And I might do a little knitting.  And possibly some sewing.  We'll see.  Most importantly, I need to keep this need of mine in focus and not forget about it in my quest to always be climbing to better things.

Another need--to spend time with good friends.  In that vein I'm meeting my friend Carolyn for lunch.  We haven't seen each other in a couple of years, and it's long overdue.  I can't wait.  So I better get my butt in gear and go shower and leave the computer behind for the time being.

Who will join me in a year of 1000 gratitudes?  I'd love to share and enjoy each other's journals.  I'd love to share the joy that is your life.  1000 gratitudes from a diverse community of beliefs and lives?  That sounds like something for which to be truly grateful.

My season of discontent....

It's back.  I'm sure some of you will shake your heads at my constant whining about the feelings of discontent.  I don't know what it is, but every year after Christmas and New Year's I get these unshakeable feelings of incredible discontent.  Maybe I'm just crazy.  Maybe it's my need to overachieve.  Maybe it's a reaction to the sloth of having nothing that has to be done right this minute, and the slowness of days following the month of insanity leading up to Christmas.  It seems like whenever I have any down time (summer, March break, Christmas break) I experience these feelings.  Whatever it is, I wish it would evaporate into a cloud of bright pink mist and blow away.

I've spent the morning investigating gyms to join.  It seems that the time that I'm most content is when I have a gym membership (at a gym I like) and spend spare time working out instead of sitting at home obsessing over every little thing.  I don't do so well with all of this time at home (clearly if I follow the pattern back through my life, this has been since I was a child).  Of course if I just hauled my sorry butt off of the chair and went for a run, I'd likely feel better.  Or maybe I just am enjoying the feeling and the tendency toward whinyness.

It's odd how these restless feelings lead to complete inertia.  I'm not sure I could get anything much done even if I wanted to.  I am self-aware enough that I realize that I need to do some of this sitting around, so that I'm fueled up for the whirlwind of my life once school starts again.  *sigh*

I have spent a fair amount of time chuckling at the antics of the crew on Big Bang Theory this week.  I am amused and at the same time dismayed at what I'm watching.  Sometimes Sheldon is just a little too familiar for comfort.  It doesn't help to have 3 children roaring with laughter and shrieking "OMG mom, it's you!".  Ha, ha guys.  I'm not that OCD and I don't have Aspberger's.  Well, I don't think I'm that OCD, maybe it's all in perception.  But whatever it is, it's been fun watching it and laughing with my kids.  We don't engage in enough of that fun kind of behaviour.

Yesterday was a housecleaning day.  How on Earth does a house get so grubby when everyone has been away for 8 days?  Maybe something to do with not having enough time to clean it properly before leaving?!  However, the main floor is now fairly clean, and next I'm tackling my bedroom.  *gulp*  The mostly neglected room, filled with tons of stuff I don't know what else to do with but don't want cluttering up the rest of the house.  I did begin organizing the mountain of books and magazines that constantly grace the floor beside my bed.  Next--walk in closet.  Which is actually a misnomer, because of all the junk on the floor of it, no one could possibly walk in.  However, that will be amended later today.  Honest.  I will overcome the inertia.

How do you cope with the days following the holidays?  Does anyone feel the way that I do?  See, this is why I prefer to have time BEFORE Christmas, instead of after for school holidays!

Time to collect my kid from his basketball practice.  I'm wondering if the teacher who planned it is yet regreting spending a day of vacation with a bunch of teenagers.  I snicker (mean, I know) at his silliness.

I sincerely hope every one of you is having a wonderful day, filled with joy and no feelings of discontent.