we all have our issues....

As I've been reading blog posts of bloggers I follow, or blogs I peruse from time to time, I'm struck by the number of people who have all written about being glad to see the end of 2013.  When you notice it on all social media platforms, it becomes a disturbing trend.  What was with 2013?  So many people all over the continent, all experiencing some degree of angst/despair/misfortune over the past year.  I wonder why.  I wonder why we only find out at the end of the old year/beginning of the new year?  

I know the answer--because we all keep our issues to ourselves.  Some things we can't hide, like the death of a family member or a significant illness.  But those aren't the only things that add up to feelings of relief to see the passing of a year.  There are many hidden causes for those feelings.  Unseen health issues, mental health issues, work stress, family stress, unseen health issues of family and friends, financial woes, trauma of any description, death of someone we love...the list is really endless.

So as a part of my balanced year, I am wishing for good health for myself, family and friends.  No more financial issues, health problems, grief, unmanageable work stress, relationship problems.  I wish everyone peace and well-being.  I wish for people to feel supported through everything they are experiencing, and remind myself to remain aware that what may seem a trifling to outsiders, may just be the proverbial straw on the camel's back for someone else.  

Before anyone thinks I've lost my mind and turned into Pollyanna, I want to say that I know that life issues are unavoidable.  Most of all my greatest wish is for people to have the resilience and fortitude to withstand any of the crap life throws in the path for them.  Because life will.  Please keep in mind (self...I'm talking to you....) that it's not some karmic trick designed to make you miserable.  It's life.  

I'm trying really hard to give myself and others the gift of compassion and empathy.  And to not be so wrapped up in my own stuff that I'm blind to the troubles of others.  If we could all just get a little better at that, we would all be able to get over those hurdles (self...this one is for you again...).

If you are one of those that had a crappy 2013, I'm cheering you on for a fantastic 2014.  If you had a great 2013, I'm still cheering you on.  Life is too short and too precious to not enjoy it....at least most of the time (self.....are you listening?).

I'm taking the weekend to wallow before going back to work on Monday.  My head is NOT back in the game yet, and it's not going to be before Monday morning.  Because that's one of the gifts I am giving myself in 2014.  Permission to really rest my brain.  To take down time and thoroughly enjoy it, so that I'm able to be in the game at my best.  I'm working on it.  It will continue to be  a work in progress.  (Did you pay attention to that, self?)

Happy weekend.  And happy 2014.

Glad the week is over....

In the drama that I call life, it's been quite week.  First our Miss Kitty (and we miss her so much!), then Seamus breaking his ankle at rugby.  And that was quite a roller coaster ride!  First told he needed surgery to put screws in, then he didn't, but has a cast.  Crap weather, snow on my newly planted plants.  I was glad when the week was over.  This weekend is a course weekend, which isn't great, but the end is in sight. 

Unfortunately I accidentally ate a teensy bit of gluten yesterday, because I didn't read a label.  Dumb.  So today my stomach feels like I drank battery acid and then scrubbed it with a wire brush.  Not pleasant.  I only had a mouthful, I can't imagine a whole bunch!   Lesson learned, don't absently mindedly eat stuff without label reading.  My mistake, I've only myself to blame.

Found a new massage therapist down the street from school, who I really liked.  She worked on my blasted IT bands.  She asked if the right side was especially painful, because it was REALLY tight.  Yes, yes it was/is.  Hoping everything I'm doing for it heals it up quickly!

Allistair planning his escape.  Now that he's an only kitty, he's even more determined to go everywhere with the dog.  The birds don't know how lucky they are!  And he has no idea that the coyotes will eat him if I let him out.  He's also loving Seamus, giving him lots of cuddles and loud purring.  Funny for a cat that really is a one person creature.  I guess broken bones need kitty love to heal, in his opinion!

Weirdo magnet part 2 and some other stuff

So, remember how I wrote a post not long ago about being a weirdo magnet? It keeps happening. I've received two more friend requests from men, and of course both profiles are a little sketchy. One is a "soldier for hire" and claims to work for a paramilitary organization in Afghanistan. But lives in Jamaica. He was clever enough to have a couple of pictures of him with a kid, and says he a widower. The one I got last night is from a handsome (who'd you steal that picture from?) man from Barcelona, but living in Maryland. He speaks English and "spainish". Of course he does. Because a native Spanish speaker would undoubtedly spell it that way. I've come to the conclusion that my profile pic must make me look really naive/desperate, and that the friends of my friends are making some poor choices of who they are friending on Facebook. And apparently "married" means nothing. I've also come to the conclusion that Manchester and Maryland are common choices for scammers to say they live. If they told me they live in Anchorage I might believe they are real people. Not really. I'm still a little concerned that somewhere in fbland my profile is linked to a porn site or something. Or a middle-aged ladies looking for younger handsome men dating site. Either way, if you find out I am, let me know!

In other news, I'm learning to overcome my deep seated distrust and disdain for mainstream medical doctors. I have found a good one. I'm getting better care than I have in 20 years, with the exception of the fantastic care I always get from my naturopath. He actually wants to find the root cause of the symptoms I have and takes me seriously. The look on his face when he asks questions about my history and finds out I've been asking the same questions since I became an adult is priceless. He will never say it, but it's evident he doesn't think I've gotten very good care in the past. Which is unfortunate, but I'm grateful that I'm getting it now. Not much wonder he's so busy and is always running behind with his appointments. I hope he never leaves my community!

I'm ever grateful for long weekends, and the chance to get caught up-- with sleep, housework and projects for my course (which is almost over, hallelujah!). A little gardening is in order, date night with my love and time just vegging out and getting ready to face the next few very busy weeks at school. I might even do some yoga. And of course the exercises I've been given for my knee.

Whatever you're doing this long weekend, enjoy. Garage sales, gardening, opening cottages and trailers, it's all good.

Much love.

10 Things

My blog friend Eco Yogini wrote an awesome blog post yesterday. You can read it here

http://ecoyogini.blogspot.ca/2013/05/10-things-you-need-to-tell-yourself-big.html

and in it she challenges us to write 10 things you love about your self---your non-physical self. She also asks us to tell 3 friends something you love about them. Let me just start by saying that she is an inspiring woman, her passion for the environment, her Acadian heritage and her work as a speech pathologist are a pleasure to read about. And I love when she writes about yoga too.

So......here goes. 10 things I love about me:

1. My ability to form relationships with children, as an educator. My office isn't where you go when you're in trouble, it's a safe place to talk to a caring adult.

2. My passion for all things education, especially improving student achievement.

3. My cognitive ability. Like the way my brain works.

4. The way I've never met a dog that didn't love me. Or cat for that matter.

5. My off-beat sense of humour. It's been a little hidden lately, but I love laughing. And making people laugh.

6. My practical, get things done nature. I am the antithesis of a procrastinator. Works for me.

7. My creativity. I have an artsy side, I enjoy creating.

8. My passion for equity. Especially for children. It's amazing where we can find silent inequities in daily life when we're aware.

9. Speaking both English and French. Sometimes I forget that it's not something everyone can do.

10. My uncanny ability to remember names, phone numbers and birthdays. I may lose my purse, but I can remember all of my elementary school friends parents' phone numbers and their birthdays. Without the help of Facebook. And word for word conversations. It drives my husband nuts.


After a crappy week, Eco Yogini's post made me smile.....and helped to put things in perspective. Yes, I'm very distracted lately, my brain circuits are overloaded, hence losing my purse, but that doesn't make me stupid. Which is how I felt when I realized in my distracted state, having left my purse at a store, and recovering the purse minus my iPod and brand new iPhone and some money. Stupid. And an expensive mistake. But it was a mistake, we all make them. And in the end, it's just stuff. Possessions. I got back the purse I love, that my hubs bought for me for Mother's Day last year. That's more important to me than the other stuff. I can replace them (because I am fortunate enough to have a great job and the financial means, that in itself is a huge thing I should be grateful for).

I am much more than my possessions, my physical body and the mistakes that I make.

And I am passing the challenge along. Either comment or write a blog post telling 10 things you like about yourself, and tell 3 friends something you love about them. No physical attributes allowed! It's harder than you think.

I realize how much my professional life defines me as a person. It's time to get a hobby!

Murphy's Law

I was a little distracted yesterday. Drove hubs car (which used to be mine), and apparently left the lights on when I got to school. Crazy, crazy day, I didn't eat lunch until 3:00. Did a bunch of stuff to get ready for two days at a Ministry of Ed planning session, popped in and out of my friend's Arbonne party in the staff room and then was rushing to get away to pick my kiddo at school after his rugby practice. Only to find that the really cool feature that turns the lights off for you no longer works. And it doesn't even have a beep to tell you they're on! So dead battery. Get one of the hostesses of the party to come boost me, crossed the jumper cables because I didn't see the +symbol and was going by colour, which zapped the stereo (I think, what do I know, I crossed the damned cables!). But I got home. Luckily my older son has a car and could get his brother. I interrupted a date to get him to do it, but his girlfriend likes us. Luckily.

Went to change into yoga pants and my favourite Fighting Irish hoodie to take the dog for a long walk and think about the stuff that's crowding my brain and making me distracted. Pulled sweatshirt over my head and decided it smelled like cat urine. And was damp. My geriatric incontinent cat had peed on my fav comfy hoodie. Which I had on. Eeewwwwwww! Let that be a lesson to always put stuff away properly!

It was at that point I ditched the walk, and poured a big glass of Sauv Blanc. In my Lakehead hoodie. Go Thundercats. They're no Irish, but they'll do. Did I mention daughter is aThundercat and is moving home from school today? I miss her.

Anyway, it's a good thing that there. was only one glass of wine left in the bottle, or I might have had a slight hangover today. And red wine isn't doing it for me lately. The smarter thing would have been to go for the walk and had a gentle yoga practice, but with Murphy in full force, I was afraid I'd get hit by a car. Or attacked by one of the many loose dogs Chase and I see on our walks. My house was definitely safer. And had corn chips, olive hummus and spicy salsa. It's a meal, right? It was last night.

My mind is still crowded, I'm still distracted, and my sweatshirt didn't get washed yet. But I did wash the kiddo's rugby clothes. Although, my Eco friendly high efficiency, low water machine doesn't always get all of the mud out. And I haven't packed for my overnight trip to the conference. But I think I've booted Murphy. At least I hope I have.

Btw, I fully realize my Murphy's Law day is nothing compared to what others endure on a daily basis. Just believe me when I say that I understand that. My blog helps me to put things in perspective, but there are things I don't share. Things that would be considered TMI and would betray the confidence of others. I'm distracted, and just blaming it on Murphy.

Ok, time to get my stuff together for the next couple of days. I feel better having blurted all that out. Happy Wednesday my people.

No running :(

The bad news is that I've resolved my hip issue, but now have a very sore knee. But I think I have the answer. I think that when my hip was bad (like the past year and a half) the change in my gait not only started a bunion, but inflamed my IT band. So while it's painful, it is very easily treatable. Dr A will be driving a new tricked out Jeep by the time I've resolved all of these issues! I guess lots of foam roller action (it frickin' hurts!) and therapy and I'll be good as new. Or least any other middle aged woman :)

It's a bummer, but I'm relieved that it isn't something more serious. And it means that eventually I will be running again. For now walking and strength training with some yoga thrown in for good measure. Around the craziness of life. No problem.

Speaking of craziness, the end is in sight! My huge project that I've been working on for over a year about improving math instruction is almost wrapped up. I spent a huge chunk of the weekend working on it--and when I added up the hours actually working on it (not counting the countless hours I've spent thinking and obsessing about it), I've logged almost 140. And I'm not done! But I've realized that I'll never really be done, just done for now. When it's finished, it kills 2 proverbial birds with one stone, because I am using it to satisfy my principals practicum as well. Which means the current course (and associated workload) is the end of the coursework/research for a while. Until I complete my Masters. But I can use the work I've done up until now for credit, and my math project is an excellent starting point for my thesis. Interesting topic for someone who always hated math in school and worked very hard to get decent math grades, no?

Perhaps when I'm done this project and the course I'll actually have time to clean my house from top to bottom, instead of the lick and a promise it's been getting all school year. Or maybe I should hire someone to do it for me while I go to the beach......no, that doesn't sit well. I'll do it and then recover at the beach.

Happy Earth Day by the way! I hope everyone gets the chance to spend some time in nature enjoying it. I'm planning to!

summer is almost over

We've reached that time of summer, when it's waning, fall is approaching.  Rapidly.  It's the time of summer when I feel panicky, and think of all the things I intended to do before going back to school.  All of the undone projects, the messy corners that haven't been cleaned, the books that haven't been read.  Although to be fair on that last one, I've read ALOT of books, I just have a bunch more that I want to read.

I love teaching.  I love kids.  I just know that once summer is over and school begins my free time becomes almost negligible.  Life becomes a race, race to work, race to the kids sports, cram in laundry and housework (who am I kidding, not very much housework!), race to the next thing.  Weekends become a time of catching up the drudgery of life so that we can function with some efficiency during the week.  Dr appointments, dentist, ND, chiro, massage all become more difficult to fit in.  Running and working out become challenging to fit in.

It's so bittersweet.  I adore late summer, the beautiful days, the cooler nights, the bounty of the beginning harvest.  I am torn.  I look forward to school, yet reluctant at the same time.  Life becomes scheduled, which is good in some ways, and not good in other ways.  *sigh*

On another note:  when the heck did cupcakes become so fashionable?!  Cupcakes are no longer the homemade, slightly sloppy looking treats I made for my kidlets when they were little.  Cupcakes now look like something out of a Martha Stewart magazine.  Blogs about cupcakes!  TV shows about cupcakes!  Entire magazines devoted to cupcakes!  Does that not seem a little silly to anyone but me?  Cupcakes used to be a treat you could whip up quickly, when you didn't have time to make a cake because of the longer cooking time.  A treat just slightly more decadent than a muffin.  Not anymore.  I'm afraid to take cupcakes to anywhere someone else might see them, because my cupcakes are homemade, crooked, kind of messy little cakes.  And they're not decorated within an inch of their little sugary lives.

Ecoyogini blogged about body image and how women make themselves ill all in the name of making themselves thin(ner).  A serious topic that I think we need to delve into more deeply.  Just slightly more important than pretty cupcakes.  Certainly a topic that consistently plagues my life.  Thinking about taking a deeper look at how women (and some men) are affected by social "norms" and the body.  Just a little summer ending project?!

I need to get ready to go babysit my nephew, instead of rambling on anymore.  Wishing everyone who reads this a glorious, comfortable with themselves day....and even a cupcake, if that's what you're into.

Pondering

This morning while making my breakfast smoothie, I was pondering my blog. Fitmom isn't really the best title anymore. My blog has become a place for me to talk about my allergies, parenting allergic teenage children, to blow off steam and to talk about my health goals. Yoga has helped me to let go of some unrealistic thoughts about myself, following the advice of my naturopath is helping me to heal from the inside out. And blogging about some of the other stuff in my life is helping me to process and deal, without stress eating, without being angry (ok, less angry) and give my mind a rest. So although I'm not sure the title is the best one, I'm going to continue the way I have been.

What's been going on lately:
1. Finished report cards. Whew. They are emotionally draining to write, I hate putting an evaluation of a kid on paper. I wish that all of the parents of my students knew how much it pains me to tell the absolute truth as I see it.
2. Finished my AQ course. I miss it already. I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely do have a sickness, I cannot be idle. It drives me nuts and I eat junk I shouldn't. Luckily the next course starts on July 4th.
3. Spent my weekend at a lacrosse tournament watching my youngest, Seamus, play some awesome box lacrosse. He's a big fan of hearing his Mommy screaming, "Go Shimmy go!" when he's on a breakaway. I'm sure his nickname makes others wonder about us. But Seamus means James in Irish, and when he was a baby his dad joking called him Shimmy. And it stuck. But I digress--the Shimster (and his older brother) is the athlete I wish I could be. If I had played box lacrosse and could have cross-checked, hit people with my stick, plowed right over people, as a child I'd likely have a lot less issues today. And he's not just good at lacrosse.
4. Only a week left of school. The kids are done, I'm done, and it's time for a well-deserved break. It feels more like crowd control than teaching these days. Which means it's time for it to be over.
5. I mentioned in an earlier post about someone dear to me who has been having health issues. I'm thrilled to say that it's not nearly as serious as initially thought. Thank God! And thank you to all of my friends who pray for my loved ones and I. I am truly blessed.
6. I'm reading a book called "Crazy Love" and trying to make it to a small group about the book at our church. So far I'm reading, but not getting to small group. Tomorrow. I will go tomorrow.
7. Parenting teenagers is by far the scariest, most harrowing thing I've ever experienced. My teenagers are experiencing growing pains, and dealing with difficult things and literally all I can do is be open to them and keep praying. It's difficult dealing with the secrecy that is a part of teenage culture. Kids keep secrets when they should tell, and they just don't have the skills to deal with all of the crap in their lives. I want to hold them close and keep them safe, but I have to let them grow and learn and be independent thinkers and people. My head tells me it's the right thing to do, but my heart wants to hold on so tight that I'd smother them. I miss the toddler years, when I could largely control their environment. And keep them safe. And the kind of social issues we were dealing with was a friend who called someone a stupid poopyhead.

And that my friends is my life in a nutshell. I can't wait until it's summer vacation and I might actually relax a little. Reading a good book on the beach, Shim playing in the water all day, the older 2 reading on the beach with me. Of course they'll have ipods in their ears and won't want to talk, but they'll be safe with me.

Namaste.