I am overwhelmed!

Okay, how is it that I keep doing this to myself???  This week is insanely busy, and I started a new course on top of it all.  Of course, running is the thing I haven't been able to fit in, the very thing that would help me to save my sanity!  And I'm writing a blog post at 6:45 a.m. instead of working on something because...well, I like writing blog posts.

Today is my hubby's birthday.  Happy birthday Rick!  I wish we could celebrate together.  We did have a nice lunch on Sunday (he had to cook it) and the kids and I gave him his gift.  Running stuff.  Go figure :)

But the whole reason that my week is nuts and I can't celebrate my hubby's birthday with him is the return of the dastardly afternoon shift.  After hubs being on days all summer, this is a serious shock to my somewhat delicate system (delicate like a goat's system is delicate).  I am it for getting kids to and from various places this week.  Wednesday is a wonderful example of my week--I need to be at the board office for a workshop (network, network, network...), at a basketball practice in Orangeville with Shimmy, picking up Jackson from a volleyball game (I should go to the game, but that's obviously not happening) and at a town meeting about a waste something-or-other company that my township is trying to sneak into my backyard.  So, um, I'm still trying to work it out.  We'll see, maybe I'll master cloning myself by then.  Or maybe I just won't be able to do some of it.

So you can see how it would be difficult to fit in a run.  Last night was no better, tonight is busy (but at least it's a massage and yoga).  Maybe Thursday a run will work.  Friday I'm going to go get Jess at school, because on Saturday we're having a b-day party with family for Rick.  Maybe I should start actually getting out of bed at 3:30 when I wake up instead of laying there trying to go back to sleep and obsessing about everything. 

Maybe I should skip sleeping completely.  Which would actually give me more time to figure out how to parent teenagers, and do some assignments, finish writing IEPs (very important legal documents for students for those non-teachers who for some insane reason are reading my blog), and actually do some planning for school instead of planning day to day.

I have decided to not run in the Run for a Cure on Sunday.  I will do a long run around my town, and then buckle down to get some of my work done.  Maybe I'll be able to fit in church.  A nice plus  if you're a churchgoer (I'm trying to be).

I'm trying to remember to breathe.  Breathe deeply.  Let some of it go.  I'm trying, I honestly am.  I'll let you know when I master it.

Wishing all of you a much more calm and sane week than I have going on. 

I may be preaching to the choir...

As my post title suggests, I'm likely preaching to the choir, as the saying goes.  Chances are if you are reading my blog, you are a teacher, live with a teacher, or are my friend, and I'm a teacher.  But I'm exceedingly irked.  I've tried to get past it today, to no avail.  One of my more charming attributes is my tendency to obsess, even perseverate.  Just ask my husband.  In fact it's a family trait.  Just ask my sister (or her husband).
Anyway, last night at the end of the Shimster's basketball practice, a family friend of ours totally put me on the spot and slagged teachers.  Apparently we are a grossly overpaid group of people.  Have I mentioned that about 1/2 the parents of the kids on the team are teachers, the coach is a principal, the other coach is his best friend and obviously likes teachers?  I happened to be talking to this guys wife, and there were no other of my professional brethren in the vicinity.  He lit into me about how much money teachers earn, we're overpaid, too many holidays, blah, blah, blah.  All the crappola I've heard before.  But, it was embarrassing to say the least.  I managed to hold my tongue, because frankly it was neither the time, nor the place.  And I really like his wife who may not be comfortable remaining my friend after I've told her husband to f****off.

Do teachers make a wonderful living?  Absolutely.  Do we have great benefits and holidays?  Absolutely.  I would argue that we earn our $$.  And spend a lot of it on our students and our classrooms.  Not to mention the university courses we regularly take that cost us a fortune.  The next time I`m laying awake for the whole night worrying about someone else's child, I'll be thinking of that family "friend" (with friends like those, who needs enemies?).  Maybe I'll even give him a call and share my thoughts and anxieties about my students, I'm sure at 3 a.m. he'll appreciate that.  And on weekends when I'm writing IEPs, report cards, day plans, unit plans or marking mountains of student work and making anecdotal notes, and my kid needs help with his homework or his jumpshot, or needs a ride to the city for a game, I'll give my buddy a call.  I'm sure he'll understand.  Maybe he'll go to my kid's report card interview for me, because my husband is on afternoons and I'm having interviews with the parents of my students.  And I'll have him go to meet the teacher for me--I'm at my school meeting those parents.  And next summer when my kids want to go to the beach or Canada's Wonderland and I'm too busy working on a course, I'll give him a call.  I'm sure he'll be happy to take them for me.  Maybe he'll offer to pay for the damn course too.

My chosen career is a wonderful one.  I don't deny it.  It allows me to live in a nice house, drive a nice car and pay for my kids activities.  But it will never make me rich.  I have no desire to be rich, I love my job.  But I really don't understand how it is at all acceptable to publically slag all teachers.  I too have my issues with some teachers.  However, it is none of my business how much money someone else makes.  Or how many holidays they get.  And even if I pondered it, I certainly wouldn't deliberately embarrass that person in a public place.  You know what they say about assumptions.  Making assumptions and judgements about the income of others is not only incredibly tacky, it makes you look like a complete ass.

Again, I love my job.  I love the kids.  I work with a wonderful group of people.  But it is not all roses.  I gladly do all of the things I wrote about above.  I have also been sworn at, worried for my physical safety (or that of a colleague), been harassed by a mentally unbalanced parent, been sexually harassed by a parent (that was just a little uncomfortable...), laid off from my job, been recalled to a job I didn't want.  Sometimes it's not a picnic. 

Thank you for the chance to get it off of my chest.  I feel better.  I won't be sitting with that "friend" at any upcoming games or practices.  I don't see any conversation forthcoming either.  I'm not sure I will have as much self-control the next time.

I'm not sure if it's my agitated state, but my run today was sooooo crappy.  I only did 1/2 of what I had planned.  I just didn't have it in me today to push through.  It could be just the result of being overtired.  Who knows?  Tomorrow is another day.  And the annual school Terry Fox Run.  I'm hoping to run with the kids, but we'll see.  It's on grass, not my favourite running surface.

Thank you again choir.  It's been a pleasure preaching at you again today.

the fountain of youth

I came across a new-to-me blog today.  A blog post that made me laugh out loud.  The author is a woman in her fifties, and she recounted how her now ex-husband told her about a female colleague whom carried a vibrator in her purse.  And she commented on the absurdity of doing that.  Why???  For "discreet" trips to the washroom?  In the car on the way home?  Here in Ontario you can't talk on your cell phone without bluetooth.  Pretty sure the aforementioned would be breaking the law too.  I gather from the rest of the post that the female colleague and her "device" were the reason for the marital breakdown of the author and her husband.

Anyhow.....I have been pondering the constant race to catch up to the ever elusive fountain of youth.  This woman speaks frankly in her blog (obviously) of her waning desire, related to the hormones of growing older.  As I run my middle-aged butt off, and work so hard to stay young, I wonder why.  Why?!  Aging is inevitable, we all grow older eventually.  In fact, the older we grow, the more lined our face if we are too thin.  No matter how thin or fit, eventually things head south.  You know what I mean.  Things that used to be up high and perky.  Or perkier anyway.

So I ponder, is it really worth the constant desire I have to be thinner, fitter, younger?!  And I come to the conclusion, that yes it is worth it.  We may grow older, but if we are fit, in good health, wrinkles and sagging aside, we are in better over all health.  And those hormones stay a little more balanced.  We elude diseases like cancer, heart disease and other ailments that are related to age and not living a healthy lifestyle.

I will continue to run, do yoga and lift weights (ok, I admit it, start lifting weights again).  I will take my supplements.  I will eat my allergen-free diet.  I don't however believe I will carry a vibrator in my purse.  That seems to be taking it a little far.  I mean really!  Can't you hear it?!  "I think your phone in your purse is vibrating."  "Oh, that's not my phone."  I'm blushing just to think of it.

I apologize if my post is offensive to anyone.  It just struck me as sooooo funny.  I do realize it's a little outside my usual blog topics.  Well, maybe a lot outside my blog topics.  And it will likely be the one and only time the purse contents topic will come up.  At least that kind of purse contents.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  And I took the opportunity to chase the fountain.  Just call me Ponce de Leon.  A beautiful 5k run, and then a nice long Hatha yoga class.  Yoga was just what I needed.  Not a downward dog in sight, but I totally rocked a great goddess and warrior 2.  Just saying. 

Today is a rest day.  No fountain chasing tonight.  Just a basketball tryout for Shimmy.  And I`m glad I ran yesterday.  It`s rainy and not so great for outdoor running tonight.

I`ll let you all check out the blogs I follow to find the post I wrote about.  I think you may find it humourous too. 

Terry Fox Run & mood

I am feeling much better.  Due in part I`m sure to spending some quality time with my family at my beautiful sister-in-law`s parents` 50th anniversary party last night.  Have I mentioned that my s-i-l is much more like a sister, than a sister through marriage.  I am lucky.  My brother has wonderful taste and chose another sister for me very well.  And my darling nephews were just that.  Darling.  Fisher and River celebrated their Nana and Poppa`s anniversary in the cutest little khakis, navy sports jackets and striped ties.  And my other nephew Kai was there to whoop it up with his cousins.  Complete with a pair of Blundstone boots--my fav boots in the whole world.  Rick and I danced to some old-timey country music, enjoyed our nephews cutting a rug and watched our parents' generation dancing--they dance so well! 

And then today we ran in the Terry Fox Run with Team Running Free.  I ran 7k and feel great!  Sore hip and lower back feel much better after running, and spirits feel great after running for a great cause with a great group of people.  I am honoured to run with our friend Lisa who has fought breast cancer, and even though she`s still undergoing "stuff", runs with a smile on her face and a positive outlook that is completely inspiring.

I'm not sure what has been going on with me lately.  Like I said, moon phase, middle age or just the changing seasons.  But I do know that days like today make it easier and move me from morose introspection to a sunnier happier outlook.  Thank you endorphins, family and Terry Fox.  I am grateful.

I am the coordinator for the school Terry Fox Run on Friday.  Fingers and toes crossed for the beautiful weather we enjoyed today for our run.  I am looking forward to running with the kids.  And sunshine would be icing on the cake.  

Now I must quit procrastinating and do the pile of marking that I have been dodging for the past week.  I'm going to sit on the deck, drink a Bud Light with lime and mark away.

Wishing everyone a sunny, happy Sunday afternoon.

All out of sorts

I don't know if it's the changing seasons, the moon phases, middle age, or just the beginning of school.  I feel all out of sorts, and not comfortable in my skin these days.  I feel like I'm pretending, going through the motions.  Earlier this week I even questioned if I'm in the right profession--something that never occurs to me, I've always felt called to do what I'm doing.

Discontent.  Yuck.  I'm not enjoying it, although I recognize that's it's a sign of growth and change.  I find myself questioning my role as a mother, wife, teacher, friend.  I'm pretty sure it's not the people around me, it's inside me.  I kind of feel at a spiritual crossroads of sorts.  I'm trying to make my way in a fashion that feels right, and something's just a little off these days.

But it's been coming for a few months, these feelings.  The "good girl" trap, consumed by guilt and that my choices are somehow not moral enough.  Feeling like breaking free in some ways, leaving behind patterns that don't work anymore.  But held back by fear of causing hurt to others, fear of the unknown, and fear of ultimately ending up alone.

It will sort itself out, it always does.  I worry a little when running and yoga don't fix these feelings though. Prayer hasn't been working either, I'm distracted while I'm praying.  I'm distracted when I'm running.  Yoga the other night was great, but hasn't been since then (when I've mustered the energy to practice).

Maybe it stems from putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I don't know, I do know that I hope this too passes--and quickly.  I'm not at my best, and I'm not performing well in any of the areas of my life.

Wishing peace for others during this time of change in our hemisphere.
Namaste. 

What a day!

Today was one of those days.  You know the kind.  Tricks you into thinking it's going to be a great day, then, "Wham!", right in the kisser!  I shouldn't really complain.  I have a great class.  A few little bumps today.  What's a little fire in the amphitheatre?!  It's all Science, right?  Apparently in addition to magnifying glasses, my cell phone (for the time and alarm so we know when we have to go in), extra pencils and my whistle, I also need to bring a fire extinguisher, or large bucket of water to outdoor Science lessons.  You know, the necessities.  *sigh*  Sometimes my great ideas just go horribly awry.

I was totally lulled into complacency by my fabulous evening last night--massage and then a new yoga class.  I actually almost dozed off during savasana.  That NEVER happens to me!  I slept like a proverbial baby, and could have easily slept for a few more hours instead of getting up this morning.  I will be much more suspicious the next time I sleep that well.  Life is not going to trick me again!

I am enjoying a nice glass of cab sav, from a nice Ontario winery.  And I'm going to indulge in Big Brother tonight.  If I can't win 1/2 a million dollars, I'd like to watch someone else.  And I actually hope it's Rachel.  She's annoying as all get out, but she is a competitor.  And she has earned it. 

I'm grateful that my slow carb diet my ND has me on allows me a glass of red wine, everyday.  I only do it now again, but today is definitely a glass of wine day.

I sincerely hope that all my friends have had a better day than I.  And I look forward to a much better day tomorrow.  Starting with downward dog.

Namaste. 

I survived

Well friends, I survived the first week of school.  I am also dog-tired and my lower back is not feeling great.  The tile on cement floors at school are brutal until you get used to them again.  And since I started off the week with a few middle-aged twinges resulting from Monday's race, I'm really feeling it.  Sore hip flexor/groin from the race too (that uneven field section?!  likely), so no running this week.  Not that I had the energy.  That would have detracted from my mouth hanging open, feet up time.  Not nearly as much yoga as I wanted either.  Please see aforementioned reasons.  This weekend, and next week bring new opportunities.  And the second week is always easier than the first.  Everyone's back into routines, things start to settle down.

Both my boys seem happy with their first week too.  Jackson is already on the volleyball team at the high school, and Shim is working on charming the ladies.  Not just at his school either.  He's working on the crop of grade 8 honeys at MacPhail too.  It's going to be an interesting ride through adolescence with that one!

On the diet front, nutrition has been great this week!  I am following my new plan, eliminating carbs except for slow carbs (legumes, like beans and lentils).  And it's actually fairly easy.  I did have a small meltdown one evening when I came home and Shimmy was baking chocolate chip cookies.  That boy can bake!  And those are one of my favourites.  But I got right back on track the next day, and only had a bun at supper at Subway.  Other than that--easy peasy.  And I have to admit, I'm feeling much better for it already!

On Thursday we took Jess to move into her room for university.  Which is why I ended up eating at Subway.   And I have to tell you, that was one yummy sub.  I also have to admit that I was hungry enough to eat my own young at the time.  But they were saved by Subway :)  And the move in went quite smoothly.  Jess was super anxious, but managed to settle down.  We hung around until it was time for  her to catch the shuttle from her hotel to another for a huge rez meeting.  I cringe to think how much it`s costing Lakehead to house the rez students, since rez isn`t ready.  As my sister, whose hubs is involved in the construction industry said, somebody is getting sued.  Big time.  Anyhow, Jess is settled at the Best Western, and according to her texts and phone call, having a really good time.  She`s met a couple of girls from our area (carpool!) and is thinking leaving home is a good thing.  Which is a relief.  Her boyfriend came with us the other night, and while they are going to miss each other, I think the time apart is a good thing.  Great guy.  Really great.  Very helpful helping us move her stuff, and helping to keep her calm.  And a really good sport to ride home and make conversation with her dad and I.  Not just any boyfriend could do that!

The first week of school went well.  So nice to hear from a few parents that both they and their kids are glad to have me as a teacher again.  Really nice note from one parent, and her son brought me a squash from their garden.  We had a chuckle at that when I ran into her in the parking lot after school.  Some kids bring flowers, but not this guy.  He informed his mom that Mrs. Bolyea loves squash.  So he brought me a squash.  Did I mention that I love this kid?!  I taught him in grade 2 and I'm thrilled to have him again.  Along with the rest of the little guys I had when they were in grade 2.  I'm a lucky teacher.  Those ones, plus a few others I didn't teach equals a great group of kids.  It's going to be a great year!!

As I sit in my family room writing this, and surveying my kitchen/family room area, I am reflecting on my decision to declutter in my pursuit of happiness.  I didn't do so well.  It looks very lived in.  And cluttered.  But you know what, I'm ok with that.  It is what it is.  Not a whole lot of pretence Chez Bolyea.  We are authentic.  And that's worth striving for.

One last note.  At our school, every Friday we have an assembly for YARFY.  Which stands for You Are Responsible For Yourself.  And guess who got the very first yarfy of the year?!  That's right, Mrs. Bolyea.  The boss totally embarrassed me in front of the whole school, giving me a yarfy for picking up garbage in the hall.  And then insisted I needed to have my picture taken just like the kids.  So I of course really hammed it up, and posed for a picture (looking like a complete dementoid in the process).  It was fun, the kids and the staff had a good chuckle.  It's good to start the year off on that note.  And I will be immortalized on the yarfy bulletin board, looking like a lunatic, totally unphotogenic and beet red from the intense blushing.  But as one of my colleagues said, I made the boss laugh.  In front of the kids.  A difficult feat to achieve.  I love my job.   

How was your first week of school?